I have been in community with, talked with, and worked with so many women who want to create an incredible impact with their business while also showing up and serving their family and friends well too.
But what usually ends up happening is that they focus on those that they are serving so much through their business, through their life that they focus on their own physical and mental health, spiritual needs and feeding of their own soul goes completely unmet.
So in today’s episode, I am busting down that myth that in order to serve others, you have to put yourself on the back burner. And I’m also sharing with you what to do.
- Discover how being a martyr doesn’t help you make an impact but hinders you from it
- Learn the three things you need to do to continue to make an impact while still taking care of yourself
- Understand what is holding you back from truly making an impact and a change you can make today to make that shift.
Links in this episode
- Episode 034: Entrepreneur’s Energy Trifecta
- Episode 009: Build Your Success Circle To Level Up Your Business
- DM me on Instagram
Rather read than listen? ⬇️
I have been in community with and chatted with and worked with so many women who want to create an incredible impact with their business while also showing up and serving their family and friends well too.
But what usually ends up happening is that they focus on those that they are serving so much, that their own physical and mental health, spiritual needs, and feeding of their own soul through having some dang fun goes completely unmet.
So, in this episode, I am busting down that myth that in order to serve others you have to put yourself on the back burner AND sharing what to do instead.
The title of this episode is making an impact without making yourself a martyr.
You Against Them
So, let’s talk about this idea of being in service to others as being against yourself. Because I think that is the problem here. We think if we are for ourselves, we are against others and vice versa. Limited time and energy and all that. But, as you may have guessed, that isn’t how it works. That isn’t how any of this works.
You don’t have to choose ultimately between loving yourself and caring for yourself and serving others… in life or in business.
You can still make an impact without making yourself a martyr. In fact I am going as far as to say that you can’t make as much of an impact as possible if you don’t take care of yourself first.
Let’s look at this through the lens of Maslow’s Hierarchy. Maslow’s Hierarchy, if you aren’t familiar, basically lays out our human needs and desires in a pyramid, with the most basic physiological needs at the bottom, likes air, water, food, shelter, sleep, sex, clothing.
Then on top of that is safety needs, like personal security, employment/money, resources, health, and property, the things that make us feel safe.
Then there is Love and Belonging Needs. Things like friendship, intimacy, family, a sense of real connection.
Then there is Esteem. This includes things like respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, strength, and freedom.
And finally, at the very top of Marlow’s Hierarchy is self-actualization. This is where we want to fulfill our potential and have this amazing positive impact, and leave a legacy for future generations.
Now, many of the women that I work with and have the privilege of chatting with, they all have one thing in common: they want to fulfill their potential and have a positive impact, and make the world a better place, and help people, and yes, leave a legacy to better our world.
But the thing about Maslow’s Hierarchy is that if all the other desires and needs at the bottom of the pyramid aren’t met, you truly can’t focus on those things. You can’t have the energy and the focus to fulfill your potential and truly serve others if you aren’t fueling your body and giving it what it needs, pushing yourself intellectually, filling your spiritual cup (whether you are spiritual or religious, this matters), or confident that you can pay the bills so you and your family have running water and food.
I know it’s clichéd and every self-help guru on the planet has referenced it but this metaphor is everywhere because its true: When you are on an airplane they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first, before assisting others. Why? Because if you pass out due to lack of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else.
Likewise, if you fall into a depression because you draw no joy from anything you are doing, experience a major (or even minor) health issues that prevent you from having the physical stamina to do anything much less take care of others, or even just feel unmotivated and directionless, you’ll be no good to anyone else.
So, now that you are totally onboard with dropping the people-pleasing, martyr identity from your desired goals, let’s talk about how to do that. How do you make an impact while still taking care of you?
3 Things to Make An Impact While Taking Care of You
Well, the first thing is to fill your cup.
- Nutrition/Water Intake
- Regular Health Checkups
- Curating the people you spend time with.
- Push yourself intellectually. Life-long learning as a value, constantly reaching for new ways of thinking and new ideas. Books, podcasts, programs, retreats, conferences, etc.
- Have some fun. I personally do jigsaw puzzles, go to concerts, obsess about the Jonas Brothers, read fiction books.
The second thing that you can do to ensure that you are taking care of you so you in turn can take care of others is Loving What You Do.
Now, I don’t mean this in an overarching theoretical kinda way that most people mean when they say this. I mean love what you are spending your time doing every day. I talk about loving the process quite often but what that really means is not just focusing on the outcome and trudging through the daily tasks to get there. It means genuinely loving what you do every single day, the strategies you are testing out, what you are creating, the people with whom you are interacting, being joyful in the present moment. That means aligning your goals with your values and vision, getting rid of others’ expectations, making sure the ways in which you are reaching your goals truly work for you and aren’t just a cookie-cutter solution that you are trying to fit yourself into. And it means challenging yourself and leaning into discomfort.
The third thing is to Be True to Yourself. Now, this may sound a bit woo or like one of those motivational posters that hung in your high school math class (anyone else’s geometry class have tons of motivational posters and one of the least motivational teachers… ever?) But this goes a bit deeper into the getting rid of others’ expectations piece. Because, often those that want to have an impact, think that it has to look a very specific way. They have to fund scholarships for women, or build wells in 3rd world countries, or volunteer at soup kitchens. And if those things set your heart on fire, cool! Go do it. But if the only reason you are doing something is because you think you are supposed to, girl, ditch it. Because that will will make you feel like a martyr moreso than skipping Sunday brunch or your monthly massage. When you dig deep and figure out what your mission, your why is, it doesn’t have to look like what society as a whole values, it can be what you value, how you want to spend your time. Sometimes, that means creating a paid group program that help a very select group of people change their life and yes, making them pay for it, because when people pay, they pay attention. Maybe its incessantly and unapologetically talking about your favorite band and going to see them in concert all the damn time and sharing that story with others, because it reminds others to love what they love unapologetically. You get to decide what your impact will be and how you want to make it.
At the end of the day, you can take care of yourself and in doing so, show up so much better for those around you. A total win-win.
Examine how you think about what you do. Do you live your life for everyone else? Are you a priority? Why is that your reality? What beliefs do you have about putting yourself first? Are those thoughts helping or hindering your ability to make an impact?